Christmas is Tiring

[I'm writing this as I'm heading off to bed, it's like 1am Christmas Day.]

Well… short version, I haven’t gotten what I wanted, but there’s always morning… and the many mornings after, heh. Regardless, spent time with the family, Mom’s ham was awesome, and generally had an alright night.

It’s of course when I came back and turned my computer on (gave it the night off :P ) that I made the realization. Something about my room and being tired that makes me remember that, heh.

Anyway, I’m off to bed (and being responsible and turning gaim, Xfire, and TS all on and away).



Wow… I’m sure what to be at moment, crushed or livid.

This is one of those, “worst possible, not even in field of possible outcomes, outcomes”… rawr.

Beware: I will likely be on the warpath today/tommorrow. Great fucking way to spend Christmas, ugh.

Fear and Fragile (and alliteration)

I wrote a bit about this in the post below but it feels a bit inadequate… to be honest, I’m scared. I’m scared that Kyo might not come back this time, hell, I’m scared if she does… there are a million different things I’m scared of then.

Even though I’ve never even heard her there is this issue of warmth. I just made myself something to eat, something I haven’t made in a while… and I thought about it, because it was warm. I could hold it in my hands and feel it, I haven’t needed that in a while, she always gave me that.

None of this stoic bullshit honestly, I miss her, every second of it, at night it either takes me forever to actually sleep or I have nightmares.

You know, the funny thing is, when her computer crashed one time (she’d been having HDD trouble and was too lazy to fix it) I made the comment to her on how fragile our relationship was, how all of ours were. So many things can snap that thin line of communication so many of us depend on… latter that day she said she’d be right back. An hour later she quit TS. The “brb” was the last thing she said to me.

I hate fragility.